sonderescent

I'm fine. I say that all the time. Is that a lie? Yes, because fine means everything is not bad. Fine does not mean sad. Fine does not mean angry at the world. Fine does not mean worrying all the time about nothing of importance. But I've never felt fine. I've never known such pleasure. My emotions elude me. I know I'm feeling something. What it is, I don't know. Something inside me is stirring. I can tell it's negative, but I can't find a word. I can't find the right label to communicate. I'm not sad. I only know I'm sad when I've stared at a wall for half an hour and lost all will to live. I only know I'm sad when even crying is too